Want to have a good laugh(?)... OR: Why you should try things on

So last week I was off to my SLC book club, with my most loving and beautiful friends (who I miss living next door too so very much). And I was super excited because I NEVER get to see them. Okay. Not never, but hardly ever get to see them, even though we are a mere 30 minutes away.

Anyway...Book Club at the SLC Country Club, with beautiful women I love and admire, eat chocolate, gossip, revel, (cackling and giggling allowed)...all good things. Yes? But here was the problem. I wanted to look cute...you know a little fancy...and there was a blouse I had been eyeing at this place: Our Little Store but they opened at 11am...and it was like 10 or something. So I thought, okay. Babysitter comes at 11:00...I'll throw on a skirt and a shade shirt, pop down to the store on my way to Book Club and voila...I will be looking ever so stylish and BC worthy.

So down to Little Store and (gasp) they are only open on W-F-S!!! Can you believe? I ogled the blouse on display...I may have even pounded on the glass window...just a little. Alas...best laid plans always go kaput.

So. New plan. Who cares right? Although, Shade shirt was a little snug. You know, especially around the boobie area. So, drive to SLC and spy another wonderful little shop...Four and Twenty Sailors (cutest kids clothes ever!) and they sell women's clothing too. And happy day! Sale rack right outside---so I find a cute red and white stripe trapeze top, cute red buttons, size 10 (a little big, but it'll work) sales lady rings it up and says, "This runs a little big." I say, "No problem." And off I go, not a moment to spare. Park the car, jump out, and stand in the parking lot to pull on new and oh-so-lovely top when...SCREECH.

Wait.

One arm in, head in, but sooo very tight, like trying to wiggle through a hot-dog casing, my other arm-al-most-in...and YES. On. But. So not fitting right, it won't even button up the side.

Then: Old man drives by in a golf cart looking extremely suspicious just because I am sweating and struggling and my arms are waggling out of the blouse like a deformed hermit crab. (This is really not good for my self-esteem.)

Finally I say forget it and toss the blouse in the car and march away, with just a shred of dignity intact.

Go to lunch as I am.. only now a little red-faced and sweaty. And what do the girls say, "Jen, you look so cute!" Of course.

AND...went to return shirt.
Me: This really doesn't run big, it's quite small.
Sales Lady: I was wondering why no one was buying it, it's so cute.
Me: I know, it's really cute, but it doesn't fit right.
SL: How old is the little girl you're buying it for?
Me: WWWWHHHAAAAAATTTT? (That was inside my head). UHM....
SL: Well now I know why it hasn't sold.
Me: (I am such an idiot.) And I return it with a big dumb smile on my face.

Good news: I do not fit into a CHILD'S SIZE 10 (even when it does run a little big).